Thursday, June 16, 2011

In Which I Share My Short Story With You and Ask You For A Good Title

So for school I have to write a short story, and it's due on Monday (6/20).  A few people in my LA (Language Arts) class will be reading the story and giving me feedback and now I'm letting you guys give me feedback too!  You don't have to, but I would really like it if you did, AND I've decided that because it needs a title, and I SUCK at coming up with them, that maybe you guys could help me name it too.  So will you guys help?  Leave your feedback and possible titles in the comments and I will love you forever. :D

Note; there is some blood involved, and kissing, so if you don't like either of them I suggest you don't read the story.  Also, the title will NOT be Blood and Kissing, just so we're clear.


My eyes wandered over the patrons of the park passing over older men sitting on benches feeding pigeons and middle aged women jogging along the pathway with their black labs trailing faithfully behind them.  I wasn’t looking for any of those things though, I was looking for that person who would make my heart race, and I found her sitting under a tree with her nose in a book.
I picked up the ball I brought and dusted the dirt off my pants before getting up and sauntering over to her, a smile plastered on my face that would soften The Grinch.
“Hey,” I say, sliding my back down the tree so I’m sitting right next to her, “what are you reading?”
She looks up from her books and gives me an amused smile, “nothing you’ve ever read.”  She responds before turning back to her book.
Frowning I sneak a glance at the book she holds in her hands.  It’s an old tattered paperback that looks like it was from two generations ago and I’m honestly surprised that the words are still readable.  Dozens of pages are dog-eared and notes are scrawled in the margins in tight loopy handwriting.  I finally catch the title when she turns the page; in capitalized letters it says THE RAVEN AND OTHER POEMS.  Bingo.
"Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,”
I recite, flashing her another smile as she looks up at me again.
She finally smiles and that’s when I know; she will be my next victim.
*          *          *
Over the next three weeks I spend almost all my afternoons with her sitting under the tree where I first saw her.  It turns out her name was Lily and she was my age only instead of going to school she was touring the country on her motorcycle. 
She would generally lean on me while she read one of her tattered paperbacks and occasionally read me a passage or two. 
We tossed personal questions back and forth and every day I learn more about her.  Every time I’m around her my heart beat speeds up in a way that’s never happened before but I tell myself that it’s just the anticipation of the kill, imagining what it will be like to slit her throat and to be the last thing she sees.
“Where are you from?”  I ask one day, running my fingers through her hair.
She mumbles a response but doesn’t look up from her book, causing me to pluck the book from her hands and shove it behind my back.  “Where are you from?”  I ask again.
“Everywhere.”  She says looking up at me and smiling, “you?”
Scenes from my childhood flashed before my eyes but I quickly pushed them away, “I’m from here.  I was born here and will most likely die here.”
“You could leave here, come with me to the next town, where no one knows your name and you’re just another face in the crowd.”  She whispers, her eyes glowing in the afternoon sun, and for a minute I actually think about it.  It would be so easy to just leave this town behind and leave with her, but it goes against everything I was taught.  No one suspects the senior class president if a girl who passed through the town ever goes missing, but the wanderer is always the first to be questioned.
“No, it would…mess with my plans.”  I mumble, letting my mind wander to the foreseeable future, and suddenly I’m not so sure I want to go through with my plan.  The thought of blood has always excited me, but the thought of her blood on my hands is making me sick to my stomach, so to stop the thoughts I kiss her, reminding myself that she’s still alive.  She smiles into the kiss but pulls away much to fast for my liking.
“Where are your parents?”  I ask her.
She gives me a shrug, “I don’t really know, I haven’t talked to them in years.  They kicked me out when I was fifteen and I haven’t seen them sense.  How about your parents?”
“My…my mom died when I was two, so I don’t remember her.  My dad was the one who raised me all these years until…”  I trial off, hoping she’s smart enough to understand what I mean, that I don’t want to talk about it.
Thankfully she drops the subject and returns to the book that she has since fished out from behind me and is humming as her eyes scan the page much faster than I would think possible.
“Hey babe, I’m gonna head home, I’ll see you tomorrow.”  I say, moving out from under her and getting up, smiling apologetically as I walk away.
*          *          *
“Please don’t kill me.”  The girl whimpers.  Her blue eyes are shining with tears and her brown hair is matted with mud.
If I weren’t a monster the look in her eyes would stop me, but I am a monster, so I have no problem gliding the knife over her throat and watching the life drain out of her eyes.
Her body slumps to the ground and I sigh in relief.  All of the feelings inside me that have been running wild for the past week are finally quiet and I can think clearly.  I glance back and the body on the floor and my eyes go wide, it’s not the girl I killed just a minute ago, it’s Lily and she’s staring up at me with her green eyes, “To love is to destroy, to be loved is to be destroyed.”  She whispers, her eyes loosing color every second and the wound on her neck opening up further as blood coats the front of her shirt, staining it crimson.
I fall to my knees and vomit, hacking up the food I had eaten just an hour earlier, and tears come to my eyes as I realize what I’ve done.
“I’m sorry!”  I sob, gasping for breath as I crawl over to her side; she somehow managed to talk so maybe I can still save her.  I lift her face up but the lids to her eyes are closed.  “Please, don’t die!”  I cry, lying her on the ground softly and pushing the hair away from her face.
My breath catches in my throat as I look at her again, it’s not her.  I blink over and over again, trying to understand what just happened, but her words keep playing over and over in my head and I can’t get the dead look in her eyes out of my mind.
Shaking it off I stand up and grab the lighter fluid that I brought with me.  It sloshes around in the can as I pour onto the floor of the small shed I built with my dad in the woods three years ago.  Blinking a few times to clear my sight I step out the door and strike the match I’m holding on the lighting strip.  I tuck it back into the book and toss it over my shoulder as I walk away.  About a minute later flames erupt behind me and the heat of the fire warms my back on my way to the car.
Calmly I slip into the driver’s seat and watch the shed burn for twenty minutes before pulling out my phone and dialing 911.
A cool woman answers this time, “911 what is your emergency?”
“I’d like to report a fire.”  I say in a hurried tone, “it’s…oh God, I think it’s spreading!”
“Please calm down sir and tell me where you are.”
“I’m…” I pause long enough to make the woman believe I’m looking around for a mile marker, “I’m ten miles out past the town of Lilith Falls.”
She takes in a sharp breath and I can hear her fingers quickly moving across a keyboard as she types in the information I’m giving her, “help will be there in less than ten minutes, please stay on the line until help arrives.”
Rolling my eyes I press the end button and pitch the burn phone into the flames, I won’t be there by the time help shows up.  I turn the engine over and step on the gas, heading back into town before the fire department shows up.
*          *          *
I pull into the motel parking lot and knock on the door to room 18.
Lily opens the door and blinks the sleep away from her eyes before she registers who’s at her door.
“What are you doing here?”  She asks, pulling a jacket around herself as she motions for me to come in.
“I needed to talk to you.”  I say, shutting the door behind me.
Walking over to the bed I sit down and pull her down next to me.  “I need you to listen, and before you say anything I want you to know that I love you.”
Her eyes widen in shock at my words but I don’t stop there, “I’m different, and I understand if, once I tell you how you will run away and never look back, but please, for you I promise I’ll change.”  I plead, my eyes searching hers for any emotion at all, but all I find is a blank stare.  Taking a deep breath I let it all go, “I’m a killer.”  I whisper.
A small sound escapes her lips but it’s not a sob or a scream like I expected, it sounds more like a laugh.  Looking up I meet her eyes and there’s a small sparkle there, hiding something behind them that I know I’ll never find.
“What do you kill?”  She asks, stuffing her hands into her coat pockets, and if I didn’t know her as well as I did I wouldn’t have known anything about her was off at all.
Looking down at my shoes I mumble a small, “people,” expecting her to finally run away screaming.
She lets out a breath and I look up to find her looking angry, “what did I do?”  I ask, my face scrunching into a shape it normally doesn’t find itself in.
Letting out a dry laugh she brings a hand up to my face and cups it gently, looking me right in the eyes as she talks, “you threatened my secret.”  She says softly, and moments later a sharp pain spreads through my chest and my breathing comes painfully.
I glance down and see my shirt being stained brown as the blood mixes with the sickly happy yellow it was dyed.  The last things I see are her eyes and a small tear that falls from the right one as I crumble onto the ground like all of my own victims.


  1. OMG!!Grace! you know I'm not good at tittles either but! here I go!

    Not another face in the Crowd.
    A Monster's Secret.
    Monster's Love.
    Kill, Love & Die.
    that's all I can think of right now but girl!!I love it!!!!

  2. Great story, really love it! I'm useless at writing, so I just read :L

    Not very good at making up titles...but I wanted to think of something to do with his plans being turned on him, but unfortunately I couldn't.

    All I could think of was...
    Terrible Love
    In The Face of Death

    And yeah...that's basically it. Sorry I couldn't think of better ones :)

  3. The Common Enemy
    The Sworn Enemy
    Um, .. The Crossroads
    A Perishable Murder
    Two Hearts Diverged
    Secrets of the Uncommon Lover

    Hope I helped !! I'm a writer myself and titling doesn't always come easy :)